Learning to let go

Letting go. It is one of the hardest things for me. I hold on to so many things, some good and some that just cause me problems. Today as I was putting all of Nicholas' books back on his bookshelf I was reminded of some of the things I have let go of.

For those that don't know me well, I am a wanna be perfectionist. This post here describes me to a T. I love what she wrote. I read this at a time when I was frustrated that I couldn't do everything I needed to do. I was running myself into the ground and I was miserable. It was a realization that I need to accept the fact that with each child I have, and with each year they get older, I am falling farther and farther behind in catching up with the Type A wagon. But you know what? It is ok! I need to be the best I can be.

I still want the perfectly clean, organized house. I still want to do the homeschooling perfectly. I still want to be on time to everything. I still want to do so many things but I am learning to let go. I am letting go of Type A wanna be and accepting me for who I am. You may come to my house and instead of walking into a magazine there will most likely be dirty dishes in the sink, toys scattered about, kids that may or may not be dressed, I will very likely still be in my exercise clothes, tables and shelves with dust on them that my child will write their name in--in front of a friend, marker on the walls in the office, a disaster in the playroom, and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to be on time for anything.

My house is no where near what I want but the most important thing is that we are happy. I haven't completely let go of my dream of a perfect house but every day I get a little closer. I would rather be happy than the stressed out person I was trying to keep everything perfect. I still cringe when someone comes over and sees my dirty dishes or messes everywhere. I loved when a friend came over for the first time and was happy to see my dirty house. Most of the people that live around us have that perfect magazine house so she was glad to see someone else that has a "lived in" home. It made my day!

So this morning as I put those books back on the shelf I remembered how I used to keep them so perfectly organized. Biggest to littlest, types of books together, all my Sandra Boynton books all together, etc. Every time the girls would read a book I would put it back perfectly. But today I was just happy to have them off the floor, knowing full well that by nap time they would all be back on the floor again. I let my girls make their own beds and they may be very lumpy and uneven but they did it themselves, I happily send my child off to school in stripped capri's, polka dot rain boots and a shirt that doesn't match one of the stripes in the pants, I am just happy if my girls hair is brushed in the morning, I don't care if the clothes in the drawer aren't perfectly placed-at least they aren't on the floor, I take my child out in public with food down the front of his shirt-and I am fine with it, I still strive to be on time but accept that we just aren't always going to be.

My realization today is that I AM doing it! I am letting go of the unimportant things that were making me crazy. One day at a time, one thing at a time I am finding my groove, my happy place of order but not perfectionism. And I am happy!