New perspectives

Well I just sent Nathaniel and Nicholas off to St Louis. I miss them already! It is really going to be a long two days. The good thing is I was able to send them off without crying. I woke with a new feeling of hope today. For one I am not in pain today. I have never had much cramping or anything in that area which I am so thankful for. They did, however, do a number on my throat and neck during the surgery. I was intubated and my throat has hurt so bad from that. Then I have bruising along my jaw line and my muscles running down the sides of my neck hurt so bad I could barely move. It doesn't help that I put all my stress in my jaw and clench my teeth when I sleep. So today I am able to move my head from side to side and swallow with only a slight amount of pain.

The other reason is I was finally able to have Nathaniel give me a blessing last night. While it didn't answer all my questions I have lingering in my head and heart I was able to receive an answer to the most important one. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who has wrapped His arms around me and has promised to carry me through this difficult time. I have also been promised that if I will turn to Him I will receive the promptings and answers I need. While the hurt is still there and I ache so badly for my baby I can feel Him holding me up today. For that I am eternally grateful.

I do not know what the future will bring but I will push forward. I have learned through previous trials that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and my family. While I can't see what it is now with my short sighted views, I know that if I follow Him, lean on Him, and give up my will to His that we will receive blessing innumerable. We won't be led astray by following Him. It isn't the easy way but it will be worth it. We will end up in a better place than our worldly view could ever get us.