Getting out

I finally decided I was ready to get out of the house today. I haven't gone anywhere since I got home from the hospital Friday night. Let's just say I was slightly stir crazy. I think crazy being the operative word. I took 3 kids to Target. Why? I do not know but I don't think I will do that again any time soon!

Anyways I didn't realize how going out would affect me. I was near tears by the time we got to Target. It didn't help that the kids cd had a lullaby song playing, which I finally skipped. I sucked it up and went in. I figured shopping would help lift my mood. Normally I love shopping. It is what I do when I am down. Not this time though. As I was looking at some adorable shoes on clearance for $5, which I normally would have purchased, I just let out a sigh and put them back. I was miserable. I hated walking past all the baby things. Especially the lady with the very brand new baby walking around. I hated shopping!

I guess it took me by surprise that it affected me so much. I have been doing really well the last couple of days. My house is getting to be quite clean because that is all I want to do. My energy level is so high and I am getting more done than I have in a long time. The only thing I have been able to conclude is that I was doing something that somehow meant I am moving on. I didn't think I was dwelling on it but maybe that is why I have stuck to staying at home. It is safe here. I don't have to worry about running into someone and explaining what happened. I can just act like everything is ok and go about my busy day.

Tomorrow I have to go back out and I hope I can handle things better. One day at a time, one step at a time!