I hate the constant worry I feel when I am pregnant. From the moment I know I am pregnant until the day the baby is born I worry. I have had two early miscarriages and really don't want another one. Who does? Once I get past the magical twelve week mark, I still worry about it. I check for blood for the entire nine months every time I use the restroom. I can usually relax a little once I can feel the baby moving. This time however I am really not feeling the baby move. With previous pregnancies I could feel the baby move pretty early. I have times I think it might be the baby but it is hard to tell. The past two weeks I have done nothing but worry. My clothes still fit fine, I can even button all my pants. I don't know when most can't button their pants but I am pretty sure I couldn't by this point with Nicholas. I am developing a small bump but I worry when my uterus doesn't seem as big as it should. Then today I started spotting bright red blood. It was really a tiny amount but I couldn't help but freak out. I called the dr's office and of course he is out of town. They told me to call the on call dr. He was out of the office today but will be in tomorrow. So they made an appointment for tomorrow morning. I tried to lie down and rest but all I could do was worry. Is the achy feeling I have enough to constitute cramping? Should I go see if there is more blood? Should I just go in to the ER? Am I overreacting? What am I going to do if I have another miscarriage? You see, I have a great ability of finding the absolute worst possible scenario and convincing myself that is what will happen. So I gave up trying to rest. My mind couldn't take it anymore. Instead I have walked around the house in a depressed daze all day trying to do my best at doing my housework and trying not to think of the worst case. I haven't had anymore spotting, which I know is a good thing, but until I can see the baby I can't stop worrying. I am trying to convince myself it is nothing, which it probably is. It isn't working. Sometimes I just wish I could turn my mind off and not worry!
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3 comments:
I can relate-I am a worry wart too. It's hard when things are out of our control. Maybe worrying is the only control we think we have.
I will include you in my prayers.
Let us know what the doctor says tomorrow and if you need anything. I'm off work tomorrow and can help out in any way if you need it.
Take care and try to get some rest tonight!
Try to rest! (key word try) If you need anything just call im always home! Let me know how the dr. goes!! Really call though for anything even just for a drink!
Oh, I hope everything is ok! I am such a worry wart during pregnancy too. Seriously, even after two ultrasounds and feeling the baby I still worry. Let me know if thre is anything we can do. I can babysit the kids if you need a day away. Let me know!
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