It's a....

Today we had my 20 week ultrasound. I have been anxiously awaiting this day for a very long time! Normally I have a feeling about what the baby will be before the ultrasound but this time I didn't. I think I just never let myself think about it too much. There has been so much fear that something would go wrong again that I wouldn't let myself get attached to this baby.

Lately as I have been feeling more and more movement I am starting to relax a little. I never got a baby bump with the last pregnancy and while I did feel movements, it was nothing like the thumps I feel all day long with this one. With each day and with every strong kick I am letting my guard down more and more.

I have really been hoping for a little boy this time around. I even gave a lot of my girl clothes away. I want Nicholas to have a little buddy to pal around with. While he loves to play with his sisters there is only so much doll playing and dressing up that a boy can do. He wants someone to build and play cars with him. The girls don't want to so Nathaniel and I do. I really enjoy this kind of playing. No make believe involved! I can build buildings and run cars up and down ramps forever.

At the same time I was sad thinking I would never get to doll up a baby girl again. No more bows and dresses and baby bracelets. I wanted to use my new found sewing skills to make cute little girl things. There is only so much the girls will let me do now. They want to do their own hair and dress themselves in all sorts of combinations. There isn't much to do with boys to make them all adorable.

On top of all this I have been the most worried about birth defects. While we knew at the 14 week u/s that there wouldn't be club feet or spina bifida it didn't stop my worrying. Down Syndrome is always at the back of mind along with a gauntlet of other things. No matter what I knew if anything did show up it would be ok but worry still occupied my mind. Since going through the issues with Nicholas, I can't go in to an u/s without worry.

This morning I was being optimistic that we would go in, have a quick wait, have a perfect ultrasound, see the dr for a brief moment and head home in time to get the girls from school. The first problem came when I was the last person waiting in the waiting room. For over an hour we waited. Thankfully there was a very entertaining ghost adventures show on tv. I also realized I was not going to make it back to Midland to get Madeleine from school. I was very blessed with a sweet friend that agreed to pick her up. Phew!!!

Finally they call us back and we just happened to get the new u/s tech. She was very slow, had to keep going through her mental list of what she was supposed to look at, and did I mention slow! Finally she was done and went to get the dr. He eventually came in and started going through everything again, saying everything looked good except one thing. He pointed to some white spots in the babies belly and said that it shouldn't be white. He compared it to the hip bone and said when it is as bright as that bone then there is a bowel problem. It is called hyperechoic focus. It could be as simple as the baby swallowing blood from all my bleeding. The dr thinks this is the most likely reason. But he wanted to go over all the other possible causes. Next came the meeting with the geneticist.

I wasn't so worried about this like I was when the same thing happened with my 20 week u/s with Nicholas. I remember being so freaked out and just crying while she talked to me about what the findings meant. This time I was fine with it. Come what may! She gave me the paper on the hyperechoic focus detailing the possible causes. First on the list was a bowel obstruction requiring surgery when the baby was born. Next was Down Syndrome which the geneticist said the baby has a 1/90 chance of having. About the same odds that they gave me with Nicholas. Not a huge concern since we crossed that bridge then and I am ok with it if it happens. After that came cystic fibrosis. She said that this one isn't as much of a worry since we have three healthy kids and no family history of it. Still gave me high odds until we do the blood work to see if I am a carrier. Another possibility is maternal infection which I don't think since I haven't been sick this whole pregnancy. Outside of morning/all day sickness. I will get the blood work done to rule it out though. This all took a really long time and thankfully Laura was willing to pick up Victoria from her school too.

After 2 1/2 hours I got all the paperwork for labs, made my appt for 4 weeks out, and was on my way home. Phew! There is a lot to digest but I don't have any fear. We will survive anything just like we survived Nicholas' club feet. Whatever happens there is a reason and a way to survive! We can't wait for the second half of this pregnancy to be over and meet our new little baby!!!






And just in case you were wondering....it's a girl!